Shades of Obsidian
Cave Quid Dicis Et Quand. Sed Ante Omnia, Quícum
Recent Entries 
7th-Apr-2011 02:50 am - Finality, Finally?

"...For a story to end happily, it must end.
And this ending must be final.

- Ganymar (Vefurrin)



It’s been a long time coming,

I’ve seen it from a mile away.

Yet at times I wonder too ;

If this would go on forever.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it did?


It's been a great ride;

I’m sure everyone would agree

But I’m a little worried;

Maybe it should be continued instead;

Shouldn't this happiness be extended?


Then I remember —


It was meant to end.

I knew from the start;

So even though I’m grieving,

This child of mine will be laid to rest.

Who cares if it’s a dead end?


This is my happy ending.



PS. I've never completed a long fic before. I'd like to try sometime.
PPS. Click on the pic to see where I got it from (flickr)
PPPS. yes it's been a long time since I fic'd something up.
I'm really rusty; it took a disproportionately long time to create this post..
I blame my happy(?kinda?) life at the moment. Constantly preoccupied with eating and being merry.
Exams in a monthish, wish me luck?
^_^

5th-Dec-2010 11:40 pm - .:Oh My Gloomy Salad Days:.

Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.

Melancholy blooms across my mind.

Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.

Melancholy blooms across withered sea.

Edges stalked by chimera

Its dark forms a flickering phantasmagoric reel.

 

Everything familiar turns strange

I’m out of place

You’re not here anymore.

I never was.

So where – what is this?

 

Wilted petals cradle my form

Kneeling in blood,

Drowning in air.

But that's alright,

Because it's clearer than ever.

I'll stop breathing now.




PS.
The second part -  an extremely summarised version of "I'm not here anymore. Come to think of it, neither were you. You never were."
The sudden change from 1st person to 2nd person did have an interesting effect of

So many edits that I don't even know what's the point of this anymore LOL
orz
Will do better next time, will try >.<
22nd-Nov-2010 10:36 pm - 虚伪讽刺

Its been a while since I last posted ne?
haven't found anything of note to post, f-lock-wise.


Actually that's a lie. I'm just lazy.
Not enough time to gather my thoughts and undergo extended emo-ness nowadays.



其实,我最大的愿望是
不要带给他人麻烦
向往一种能独自生存的姿态,
不有人陪伴,但也不孤单。
不需虚假敷衍,
能清楚地表示自我。
就喜怒哀乐?太表面了吧。

自私,嘲讽,刻薄。
孤僻,冷落,疏远。
怯懦,挫败,怨恨。
厌倦,抑郁,绝望。

负面的一切,
是不能表现出来的。
就继续地压抑着,
深藏黑暗里。

虚伪地讽刺啊。

9th-Oct-2010 01:56 am - The Climb
As usual, an accompanying post to the other F-locked one.
I'm not too sure what this is supposed to be about
On an emotional level at least
My initial direction was different.
Oh, on an technical level, this is an experiment
Turned out...Less than satisfactory?
Considering writing courses next sem, we'll see.



Upwards, upwards

 

Keep on climbing

Don’t look back

Claw your way up

Step hard on the stones

Rest? Is there really a need?

The road is still long.

 

Upwards, upwards

 

Don’t slow, don’t pause

Hear them breathe

They are right behind

On your heels, snapping

Rest? Are you sure you want to?

They are catching up

 

Upwards, upwards

 

I see your

Lapse in ascent

Keep moving

No time for resting

Rest? You will be left behind

Fallen in the dust

 

Going round and round

The clock continues to turn

What? You want to stop?

The world will not wait for you

Really? You’re certain?

Efforts before will be naught

So what was the point?

In trying so hard before?

 

So. You’re tired out?

Already made up your mind?

Ah, what a pity

Won’t be seeing you again

In the near future

I guess?

Farewell, then.

 

Upwards, upwards

I go on alone.

8th-Oct-2010 11:18 pm - The Best

Alternatively titled
Change:01
Note to myself of the changes in my thoughts over the years
Or something like that.

PS. I’m not sure if I’m putting this feeling across properly. I think my English deteriorated over the long break after the As. Fml.


Is this,

I think my perception of ‘being the best’ has changed. Not for the better, neither for the worse. It simply changed while I wasn’t looking. Weirdness, haha.

Used to be very adverse to the idea of ‘being the best’. Not worth the effort, for one. I’m slothful, I know. But more than that, doesn’t best imply being better? I really dislike concepts that have this tone of comparison. I rather not have to feel any sense of competition with others. Good is good enough, for me.

But now my perception’s changed. Best it may still be, but it no longer contains that domineering tone. For me at least.

I was chatting to my lab mates about aiming for first class honours (crazy, I know). I got…a rather negative reaction for being quite adamant about striving for it, hahaa. ‘Cos I kept asking them why they didn’t want to set their targets higher. After all, we enter university for that slip of paper no? Might as well get a mighty fine piece of paper then, lol. Anyway, one reply I received was “if everyone is as competitive as you, we’ll all be climbing over each other to get to the top” or something to that effect. Mentions of backstabbing and reluctance to help fellow course-mates included.

I understand their point of view, but I don’t agree with it. I used to, but not anymore. I think, I want to be the best. But to do it without viewing others as obstacles to my goal. It may be a competition, but I’m the only one participating, really.

The way I see it now, it’s quite the prideful point of view really.

If I’m truly good enough, it doesn’t matter how others fare. My worth is not relative.

Not to strive to be best that I can be; that’d be too stressful. And if you’ve reached the top, what else is there left to do?

What I’m looking at is something more like… I want to be such that the future me will not be ashamed to say ‘ah, I was that person’. No regrets. To live as I would. For me, this is the ‘best’; to be sure that I am able to proudly acknowledge myself in the future.

I want to try hard, for myself.

The reality you wanted?

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