It's been a while.
Whole worlds spun in a matter of moments.
In that transiting state,
Drifting between lucidity and hallucinations.
Stories begin, play out,
Helpless, yet totally in control,
I wander in my own mind.
Without direction, yet so sure of where I am.
In this familiarly strange world,
I am rushed along slime-mold roads.
Looping over and again,
Until the intricately linked paths led me to a meeting
I had only just remembered.
I don't want to be here.
But the chains.
They were always there
Increasing in number
Twisting around and over each other
The chains of human connection.
I don't want to be here.
Eyes turn away, and in turn a voice raised.
A presence demanding to be acknowledged
Too close for comfort.
If only I could.
But my hand was so heavy.
Rooted to the spot, all I could do was speak.
Slowly, with gaining momentum,
Glee-suffused poison was spat.
A whole barrage, seemingly endless.
All that I would have added, if given a second chance.
This chain I had broken easily
I would do it again, and gladly.
But alas, vindication was cut short.
Reality had called.
So fare thee well,
May I never have to set my gaze upon your countenance ever again.
Why I hate these darn viral videos/posts which aim to mobilize the 'public'
This post is regarding a certain [KONY 2012] initiative that has somehow taken over the internet (to some degree)
The movement is such an affront to my personal aesthetics that I’ve no idea where to start really. But I guess I should begin from the video, since it’s the most virulent spam being passed around right now (apart from those “KONY 2012” comments on practically everywhere).
The video begins with about 4 minutes of narration that has little to do with the matter at hand (Mr. Joseph Kony). Right away from the start I hit by wave after wave of [emotional fallacies in-progress] – there’s a part about how the world is more connect blah blah blah and the director is a father blah blah – really now, get to the point =_=
Then we get an introduction to a [Jacob], who is amazingly eloquent given his situation. Fine by me, I understand the masses are more easily mobilized when they have a specific face and name to attach their pity and condolences to. The part that irks me begins at 06:27. Jacob says “It is better when you kill us”. Shocking statement surely, but not impossible to understand. Perhaps it was for theatrical effect that the interview asked “you don’t want to stay on earth?”. But there is no need the interview to cut thrice in with his/her largely invariant questions. It gives a feeling that this particular segment of the clip was very much ‘directed’. I’m not accusing Jacob of faking his sobs or his words, just saying that the interviewer was clearly trying to influence the conversation a certain way to get a certain result.
And then the Director and his kid. Oh my non-existent goodness. WHAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE WHOLE SEGMENT HUH? I know you’re trying to appeal to our emotional side, but you could not have possibly done it in a manner crasser than this. I feel sorry for your kid.
The actual information finally gets communicated to the viewers at 10:30 therebouts. Everything in front? Mostly superfluous preamble if you think about it. So for those who aren’t into bleeding-heart sob stories, please fastforward to 10:30. Yes I’m heartless. But bear in mind that children are starving to death in the less developed countries of Africa too. Or that child trafficking/prnography occurs pretty much everywhere. And there’s always North Korea. And for those who love to hate on China, China. Shit happens everywhere. Sob stories abound. What I want to know is not your life kids dream morals – I want to know what’s happening (in an objective way), what the causes are, and what the proposed solutions are.
Interestingly, I noticed that #2 on their list at 12+mins was also in Uganda. So… Maybe something ought to be done about the government first? Because if you remove Joseph Kony, all you’re doing is create a power vacuum that others are more than willing to move into.The "...stop him and then solve other problems" mentality... who're you trying to kid? Tsk.
To be continued with a critique of the average netizen’s overestimation of their like's worth.
PS. I wrote this much based purely on the first 13minutes of the video + the pure virulence (and not much else) of KONY 2012. And I wrote this pretty quickly, so forgive any fallacies/errors of my own. Do feel free to point them out to me though ^^
PPS. omg horror he returns to his kid at 13:04. Spare meee.
The sky’s very clear today.
And so terribly false.
I look away.
Seething temper churns into something more
Wishing to strike against this illusion
To smear indelibly over its mockery
Or even better, to claw open a hole
Restless, unrelenting irritation rises up.
I couldn’t help thinking about it,
It ought not to matter.
It does anyway. I glare at the sky.
Before my eyes a rainbow forms.
A rainbow that was undeniably black.
Murder of darkness streaking out across the sky
Each one a droplet from a storm.
Mesmerized, I smiled.
PS. A feeling from a time when I feel rather rage-y at the world. (I’ve since moved on to being melancholic XD;)
PPS. I PS'd a tattoo for this header. if I wanted to get a tattoo... i think this would be it.
PPPS. 'murder of crows' would have to be one of my favourite phrases of all time =d
"...For a story to end happily, it must end.
And this ending must be final.
- Ganymar (Vefurrin)
It’s been a long time coming,
I’ve seen it from a mile away.
Yet at times I wonder too ;
If this would go on forever.
Wouldn’t it be nice if it did?
It's been a great ride;
I’m sure everyone would agree
But I’m a little worried;
Maybe it should be continued instead;
Shouldn't this happiness be extended?
Then I remember —
It was meant to end.
I knew from the start;
So even though I’m grieving,
This child of mine will be laid to rest.
Who cares if it’s a dead end?
This is my happy ending.
PS. I've never completed a long fic before. I'd like to try sometime.
PPS. Click on the pic to see where I got it from (flickr)
PPPS. yes it's been a long time since I fic'd something up.
I'm really rusty; it took a disproportionately long time to create this post..
I blame my happy(?kinda?) life at the moment. Constantly preoccupied with eating and being merry.
Exams in a monthish, wish me luck?
Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.
Melancholy blooms across my mind.
Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.
Melancholy blooms across withered sea.
Edges stalked by chimera
Its dark forms a flickering phantasmagoric reel.
Everything familiar turns strange
I’m out of place
You’re not here anymore.
I never was.
So where – what is this?
Wilted petals cradle my form
Kneeling in blood,
Drowning in air.
But that's alright,
Because it's clearer than ever.
I'll stop breathing now.
The sudden change from 1st person to 2nd person did have an interesting effect of
So many edits that I don't even know what's the point of this anymore LOL
Will do better next time, will try >.<
Its been a while since I last posted ne?
haven't found anything of note to post, f-lock-wise.
Actually that's a lie. I'm just lazy.
Not enough time to gather my thoughts and undergo extended emo-ness nowadays.
I'm not too sure what this is supposed to be about
On an emotional level at least
My initial direction was different.
Oh, on an technical level, this is an experiment
Turned out...Less than satisfactory?
Considering writing courses next sem, we'll see.
Keep on climbing
Don’t look back
Claw your way up
Step hard on the stones
Rest? Is there really a need?
The road is still long.
Don’t slow, don’t pause
Hear them breathe
They are right behind
On your heels, snapping
Rest? Are you sure you want to?
They are catching up
I see your
Lapse in ascent
No time for resting
Rest? You will be left behind
Fallen in the dust
Going round and round
The clock continues to turn
What? You want to stop?
The world will not wait for you
Really? You’re certain?
Efforts before will be naught
So what was the point?
In trying so hard before?
So. You’re tired out?
Already made up your mind?
Ah, what a pity
Won’t be seeing you again
In the near future
I go on alone.
Note to myself of the changes in my thoughts over the years
Or something like that.
PS. I’m not sure if I’m putting this feeling across properly. I think my English deteriorated over the long break after the As. Fml.
I think my perception of ‘being the best’ has changed. Not for the better, neither for the worse. It simply changed while I wasn’t looking. Weirdness, haha.
Used to be very adverse to the idea of ‘being the best’. Not worth the effort, for one. I’m slothful, I know. But more than that, doesn’t best imply being better? I really dislike concepts that have this tone of comparison. I rather not have to feel any sense of competition with others. Good is good enough, for me.
But now my perception’s changed. Best it may still be, but it no longer contains that domineering tone. For me at least.
I was chatting to my lab mates about aiming for first class honours (crazy, I know). I got…a rather negative reaction for being quite adamant about striving for it, hahaa. ‘Cos I kept asking them why they didn’t want to set their targets higher. After all, we enter university for that slip of paper no? Might as well get a mighty fine piece of paper then, lol. Anyway, one reply I received was “if everyone is as competitive as you, we’ll all be climbing over each other to get to the top” or something to that effect. Mentions of backstabbing and reluctance to help fellow course-mates included.
I understand their point of view, but I don’t agree with it. I used to, but not anymore. I think, I want to be the best. But to do it without viewing others as obstacles to my goal. It may be a competition, but I’m the only one participating, really.
The way I see it now, it’s quite the prideful point of view really.
If I’m truly good enough, it doesn’t matter how others fare. My worth is not relative.
Not to strive to be best that I can be; that’d be too stressful. And if you’ve reached the top, what else is there left to do?
What I’m looking at is something more like… I want to be such that the future me will not be ashamed to say ‘ah, I was that person’. No regrets. To live as I would. For me, this is the ‘best’; to be sure that I am able to proudly acknowledge myself in the future.
I want to try hard, for myself.
The reality you wanted?
Inspired by the vocaloid song I posted previously.
In particular a set of lines that'll open my next post
(if and when I get around to posting)I think I'm a lil' weird.
I can't seem to post happy fiction. ._.
PS. artwork not by me, right-click the image and open in new tab to see the name of the artist (I filched it off dA)
What is it that you want changed?
Spoken words, actions and inactions taken.
That which you lost,
Do you hope to gain it back
With this crippled helplessness?
A series of thoughts
Chasing its tail
Over and over again.
What could you ever possibly hope to achieve?
Stop tormenting yourself
Accept the reality you’ve given yourself.
Missed the bell,
The clock continues ticking.
What was it that you regret again?
I’ve forgotten already.
Won’t you do the same?
I hath been procrastinating. D:
FML (I think)
Considering joining NTU's VAS (Visual Arts Society), since they hold lessons and workshops and all that.
Pretty cool-sounding, IMO.
Meet n Greet this Weds, we'll see how it goes.
A little twitchy, since I'm pretty nooby. ><
Anyhow, here's my most recently completed piece
It's mostly for practice, I'm not as fond of him as some of my other characters.
I like how the face turned out tho <3
-Practice inking using the pen vector tool in PS
Hence you won't be able to see anything of the original sketch in this one (not even the lines)
-Practice on shading blades
Once again done using pencil&paper for sketch, mouse in PS3 for the digital inking&colouring part
I really should get a tablet. Living in hall is expensive tho.
Might have to wait till year-end to get a job and fund my tablet aspirations.
Anyway, here it is!
Click for link to my dA ^_^
RnR welcome and wanted! As always.
Remember that this is fiction, i will be very sad if people distance themselves from me just cos i write about apathy.
Interpretation is FFA, as always. Comments, R&R, are welcomed.
(I don't wish to remain writing the same standard of drivel all my life)
She says she understands.
Dismissing others so carelessly seeming.
Her emotions are calm and bland.
There is no sense of sympathy,
Or even empathy.
Such is the capacity lacking.
What is it that is flawed? Is something missing?
There are no dreams; no lingering desires remain.
Her self, corrupted by a responsibility to her bonds.
Undergoes a lifetime of experiences
Finding at the end of its journey
Salvation in logical understanding possessed all along
Guilt laid finally to rest
She does not care.
lol. A small non-emo piece. ^_^
Written while listening to NTU Hall4's lipdub. (Auqa - Cartoon Heroes)
I really <3 bridge So play bridge must jio =D
LF uni bridge kakis. Hopefully staying in Hall (4) then can play until damn late LOL
False impressions and outright lies.
Sly glances hidden behind a suspicious smile.
Dare I trust him?
I throw out another feint,
Feigning knowledge, buying time.
Amused laughter from her,
Silence of others in deep thought.
The atmosphere is so tense.
Yet light-hearted at the same time.
Have I made the right decision?
Is he deliberately letting me win?
Where is my Ace of Spades?
PARTNER KIN LAH!!!
Yes, keep talking. The awkward closeness
Hearing that which was spoken,
I'm not listening.
Pulls me back in when I try to leave
This farce, what point is there in staying?
Someone get me out of here.
Water's spilling out of your eyes,
Emotions running high.
Voices raised at me
Your performance could use more practice.
Do I lack a heart?
Why don't I feel the slightest bit of sympathy?
Pity, there is only pity.
An urge to turn away from such ugly sight
Yet morbid fascination draws me to hear
Your assumptions, theories, conjectures.
Childishly fallible while masquerading as truth.
Stop deluding yourself already;
It is but a concept; Everything is relative.
My truths I'll hold onto myself—
Apologies and pardon me;
So why don't you keep yours to yourself?
Words, Sounds, Speech and Noise.
Yes, continue talking
Understanding what's being said
But I'm not relinquishing my truth.
The awkward closeness
It’s not there.
Was it ever?
Qua est meus caelum?
Unyielding and unchanging.
Weightless, invisible, but suffocating.
The binds press down, cutting deep within.
Behind her tightly clenched teeth,
In a reflexive smile with sharp teeth.
Her howls are trapped.
If she could scream,
It would be so much better.
I feel like going, cos there's no admission fee... Which is quite a rarity.
Don't think this one will have cosplayers, though. They usually go for anime conventions. I still wanna gooo~ But school... sian. Why couldn't it have been today?? D:
lol. Yes I'm setting a bad example. Please don't become a ponner like me. Even if the activity was pretty useless.
Dark ink spreads, creeping across the paper.
Seeping deep into the very core
Turning it into shades of vesper.
Written words disappearing into the darkness,
Following the sounds of the piped piper,
Their consciousness obscured.
A murder of crows take flight.
Fuelling a furious storm of agitated air currents,
Oh how I covered my ears against the thunder of their flight.
Feeling the shadows falling upon my countenance, I knew without looking,
That their forms would devour the sky, dying it in the black of blight
Everything starts to fade;
The expressions, the faces,
The noise around me frayed,
Reduced to feckless blabber.
Losing colour, it fades.
Almost instinctively, my eyes close.
My world turns into one of limitless murk.
Breathing breaths shallow,
I admire the black that surrounds me.
Such beautiful shades of obsidian.
Ahahaa~ It's been so long since I last posted something remotely poetic.
So here's one.
I quite like MH. She's one of my favourite fictional people.
The most fave one that I never got to use in any RP.I think Imma let it remain that way ^^
And here's something that I think MH would look like. Very red, she is.
But with more black. I've drawn her before, but she's not a charrie who looks nice without inking. >_<
Oh, those tiles,
Dark lines of dirt ingrained between,
Making the white even more blindingly so.
It hurts her eyes,
Even more than the image in the mirror.
Looking back at her with this expression,
That she can't make it out.
She covers the image with darkness,
Immersing herself in her semi-static surroundings instead.
The sound of running water, flowing without cease.
Pooling around her hand, disappearing into more darkness.
She's surrounded in it,
Pouring out of her lungs, seeping from her skin.
The slime suffocates her,
Choking her breaths,
Making her heady with an unacknowledged emotion.
Her thoughts aren't quite getting through the haze of emotions.
Slipping away into the darkness.
Losing her identity...Who am I?
Eyes scalded once more by her reflection in the water.
All at once, the image brings it all back.
The return to reality.
This feeling of lightness disappears;
She wishes it would stay instead.
The weight of life is so heavy.
It's as if her body's being crushed.
Outside forces pushing ever harder on an already-empty husk.
She doesn't fall to pieces, however. Instead, she chooses to smile. Crying and wailing won't do anything but win her some pity. She doesn't want pity. The Mad Hatter isn't something to be pitied. So she laughs. Full of glee and joy and ecstasy are those noises coming from her mouth. The Mad Hatter doesn't know any other emotion than joy. And what a cold joy it can be sometimes; sharpening her laugh, widening her smile, devouring her soul.
"Ahahahaa~ Fools, all!"
The Clock :: 时光倒流
Do you hear it?
It's the sound of the clock,
Counting down the seconds to the end.
Why do you look so sad?
Life's just one big party.
And all parties must come to an end.
But nevermind, let's enjoy ourselves while it lasts, no?
[ramble]Meh. Two very different moods on the two topics under the guise of one. Two very different languages, used by the same person.
I like this type of posts, but pity, I rarely have the mood to conjure up two-in-one posts. I'm actually talking about something and something else, but they don't feature very greatly. I wonder if anyone really gets what I'm talking about. It's near impossible, of course, but meh, I can always wonder, can't I? I wonder too much, I think. It might very well be the death of me one day, ne?[/ramble]
A little thing I typed up.
Interpret it as you wish.
Yes, I'm not a very happy person most of the time.
I don't know whether to hope that I'm not alone in this,
but meh, you can have your happiness; why would I begrudge you of it?
I wish to remark on my thoughts; I wish to remind the world that it is not perfect.
Such monkeys we are.
Parroting away mindlessly,
As if we haven’t already demonstrated our well-developed eicastic abilities before.
“Yeah, I think so too”
“I agree~ It’s so true~”
Like an audio system with its sensitivity turned up too high.
Signals travelling in an unbroken cycle, amplifying the same thoughts.
Back and forth, again and again.
Words into meaningless sound; sound distorted into noise,
The feedback rings in my ears.
No, we aren’t monkeys…
Mimicry, for the sake of not being singled out.
Staying safe, with the herds we form.
—No, we aren't monkeys...
... ... ... ...
Ah, I see.
We aren't monkeys at all...
Sheep— Oh, such sheep we are.
Mindlessly following whoever walks in front of us.
Have we no individuality any more?
The wolf who wears the clothes of wool is fast finding it impossible not to disrobe.
Destruction for the sake of anarchy.
The bonds that bind are so suffocating.
I wish to break free of this pack.
Do I wish to be different, special?
No—I want to be an individual.
Myself; not an extension of a group.
I am me.
My life, because I, and not anyone else, has lived it.