shadesofobsidian: (Girl Gun)
2012-08-07 02:19 am
Entry tags:

Liminal

 

It's been a while.

Whole worlds spun in a matter of moments.

In that transiting state,

Drifting between lucidity and hallucinations.

Stories begin, play out,

And end.


Helpless, yet totally in control,

I wander in my own mind.

Without direction, yet so sure of where I am.

In this familiarly strange world,

I am rushed along slime-mold roads.

Looping over and again,

Until the intricately linked paths led me to a meeting

I had only just remembered.  
 

I don't want to be here.
 
 
But the chains.

They were always there

Suffocating,

Increasing in number

Twisting around and over each other

The chains of human connection.


I don't want to be here.


Someone approaches.

Eyes turn away, and in turn a voice raised.

A presence demanding to be acknowledged

Too close for comfort.


If only I could.

But my hand was so heavy.

Rooted to the spot, all I could do was speak.

Slowly, with gaining momentum,

Glee-suffused poison was spat.

A whole barrage, seemingly endless.

All that I would have added, if given a second chance.

This chain I had broken easily

I would do it again, and gladly.


But alas, vindication was cut short.

Reality had called.


So fare thee well,

May I never have to set my gaze upon your countenance ever again.

 


shadesofobsidian: (pic#803450)
2011-12-08 04:03 am
Entry tags:

[Crows]



The sky’s very clear today.

Flawlessly blue.

And so terribly false.

I look away.

 

Seething temper churns into something more

Wishing to strike against this illusion

To smear indelibly over its mockery

Or even better, to claw open a hole

 

Restless, unrelenting irritation rises up.

I couldn’t help thinking about it,

It ought not to matter.

It does anyway.  I glare at the sky.

 

But then

 

Before my eyes a rainbow forms.

A rainbow that was undeniably black.

Murder of darkness streaking out across the sky

Each one a droplet from a storm.

 

Mesmerized, I smiled.



PS. A feeling from a time when I feel rather rage-y at the world. (I’ve since moved on to being melancholic XD;)
PPS. I PS'd a tattoo for this header. if I wanted to get a tattoo... i think this would be it.
PPPS. 'murder of crows' would have to be one of my favourite phrases of all time =d

shadesofobsidian: (pic#803450)
2011-04-22 04:01 am

[Even if, I still]

 

Even if it bears no fruit,
Because that's who I am.
Drowning in ideas and not reality.
That which I think,
Is what becomes me.



shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2011-04-07 02:50 am
Entry tags:

Finality, Finally?

"...For a story to end happily, it must end.
And this ending must be final.

- Ganymar (Vefurrin)



It’s been a long time coming,

I’ve seen it from a mile away.

Yet at times I wonder too ;

If this would go on forever.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it did?


It's been a great ride;

I’m sure everyone would agree

But I’m a little worried;

Maybe it should be continued instead;

Shouldn't this happiness be extended?


Then I remember —


It was meant to end.

I knew from the start;

So even though I’m grieving,

This child of mine will be laid to rest.

Who cares if it’s a dead end?


This is my happy ending.



PS. I've never completed a long fic before. I'd like to try sometime.
PPS. Click on the pic to see where I got it from (flickr)
PPPS. yes it's been a long time since I fic'd something up.
I'm really rusty; it took a disproportionately long time to create this post..
I blame my happy(?kinda?) life at the moment. Constantly preoccupied with eating and being merry.
Exams in a monthish, wish me luck?
^_^

shadesofobsidian: (*)
2010-12-05 11:40 pm
Entry tags:

.:Oh My Gloomy Salad Days:.


Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.

Melancholy blooms across my mind.

Incarnadine flowers, layer upon layer.

Melancholy blooms across withered sea.

Edges stalked by chimera

Its dark forms a flickering phantasmagoric reel.

 

Everything familiar turns strange

I’m out of place

You’re not here anymore.

I never was.

So where – what is this?

 

Wilted petals cradle my form

Kneeling in blood,

Drowning in air.

But that's alright,

Because it's clearer than ever.

I'll stop breathing now.




PS.
The second part -  an extremely summarised version of "I'm not here anymore. Come to think of it, neither were you. You never were."
The sudden change from 1st person to 2nd person did have an interesting effect of

So many edits that I don't even know what's the point of this anymore LOL
orz
Will do better next time, will try >.<
shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2010-11-22 10:36 pm
Entry tags:

虚伪讽刺

Its been a while since I last posted ne?
haven't found anything of note to post, f-lock-wise.


Actually that's a lie. I'm just lazy.
Not enough time to gather my thoughts and undergo extended emo-ness nowadays.



其实,我最大的愿望是
不要带给他人麻烦
向往一种能独自生存的姿态,
不有人陪伴,但也不孤单。
不需虚假敷衍,
能清楚地表示自我。
就喜怒哀乐?太表面了吧。

自私,嘲讽,刻薄。
孤僻,冷落,疏远。
怯懦,挫败,怨恨。
厌倦,抑郁,绝望。

负面的一切,
是不能表现出来的。
就继续地压抑着,
深藏黑暗里。

虚伪地讽刺啊。

shadesofobsidian: (Lu Xun)
2010-10-09 01:56 am
Entry tags:

The Climb

As usual, an accompanying post to the other F-locked one.
I'm not too sure what this is supposed to be about
On an emotional level at least
My initial direction was different.
Oh, on an technical level, this is an experiment
Turned out...Less than satisfactory?
Considering writing courses next sem, we'll see.



Upwards, upwards

 

Keep on climbing

Don’t look back

Claw your way up

Step hard on the stones

Rest? Is there really a need?

The road is still long.

 

Upwards, upwards

 

Don’t slow, don’t pause

Hear them breathe

They are right behind

On your heels, snapping

Rest? Are you sure you want to?

They are catching up

 

Upwards, upwards

 

I see your

Lapse in ascent

Keep moving

No time for resting

Rest? You will be left behind

Fallen in the dust

 

Going round and round

The clock continues to turn

What? You want to stop?

The world will not wait for you

Really? You’re certain?

Efforts before will be naught

So what was the point?

In trying so hard before?

 

So. You’re tired out?

Already made up your mind?

Ah, what a pity

Won’t be seeing you again

In the near future

I guess?

Farewell, then.

 

Upwards, upwards

I go on alone.

shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2010-09-21 02:13 am
Entry tags:

Regret

Sudden desire to post.
Inspired by the vocaloid song I posted previously.
In particular a set of lines that'll open my next post
(if and when I get around to posting)I think I'm a lil' weird.
I can't seem to post happy fiction. ._.


PS. artwork not by me, right-click the image and open in new tab to see the name of the artist (I filched it off dA)

How useless.

What is it that you want changed?

Spoken words, actions and inactions taken.

Why?

 

That which you lost,

Do you hope to gain it back

With this crippled helplessness?

A series of thoughts

Chasing its tail

Over and over again.

What could you ever possibly hope to achieve?

 

Stop tormenting yourself

Accept the reality you’ve given yourself.

 

Missed the bell,

The clock continues ticking.

What was it that you regret again?

I’ve forgotten already.


Won’t you do the same?

shadesofobsidian: (*)
2010-09-11 12:50 am
Entry tags:

Apathy

A quick post to warm up for the (locked) other post.
Remember that this is fiction, i will be very sad if people distance themselves from me just cos i write about apathy.
(who doesn't experience apathy anyway)
Interpretation is FFA, as always. Comments, R&R, are welcomed.
(I don't wish to remain writing the same standard of drivel all my life)


Apathy

 She says she understands.
Dismissing others so carelessly seeming.
Her emotions are calm and bland.

 There is no sense of sympathy,
Or even empathy.
Such is the capacity lacking.
What is it that is flawed? Is something missing?
There are no dreams; no lingering desires remain.

 Her self, corrupted by a responsibility to her bonds.
Undergoes a lifetime of experiences
Finding at the end of its journey
Salvation in logical understanding possessed all along

 Acceptance, reconciliation;
 Guilt laid finally to rest
She does not care.

shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2010-08-29 10:28 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

lol. A small non-emo piece. ^_^
Written while listening to NTU Hall4's lipdub. (Auqa - Cartoon Heroes)
I really <3 bridge  So play bridge must jio =D
LF uni bridge kakis. Hopefully staying in Hall (4) then can play until damn late LOL







False impressions and outright lies.

Sly glances hidden behind a suspicious smile.

Dare I trust him?

I throw out another feint,

Feigning knowledge, buying time.

Amused laughter from her,

Silence of others in deep thought.

The atmosphere is so tense.

Yet light-hearted at the same time.

Have I made the right decision?

Is he deliberately letting me win?

Where is my Ace of Spades?


AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

PARTNER KIN LAH!!!

快点给我出来!!!

shadesofobsidian: (kitty muku)
2010-08-09 06:10 pm
Entry tags:

Words, Sounds, Speech and Noise.


Yes, keep talking.

Hearing that which was spoken,

I'm not listening.


The awkward closeness
Pulls me back in when I try to leave

This farce, what point is there in staying?

Someone get me out of here.


Water's spilling out of your eyes,

Emotions running high.

Voices raised at me

Your performance could use more practice.


Do I lack a heart?

Why don't I feel the slightest bit of sympathy?

Pity, there is only pity.

An urge to turn away from such ugly sight
Yet morbid fascination draws me to hear


Your assumptions, theories, conjectures.
Childishly fallible while masquerading as truth.

Stop deluding yourself already;
It is but a concept; Everything is relative.


My truths I'll hold onto myself—
Apologies and pardon me;
So why don't you keep yours to yourself?

Words, Sounds, Speech and Noise.
Yes, continue talking
Understanding what's being said
But I'm not relinquishing my truth.

shadesofobsidian: (*)
2009-12-04 10:48 pm
Entry tags:

Officially...

It’s not there.

Was it ever?

Qua est meus caelum?

Incarnadine chains.

Unyielding and unchanging.

Weightless, invisible, but suffocating.

The binds press down, cutting deep within.

Behind her tightly clenched teeth,

In a reflexive smile with sharp teeth.

Her howls are trapped.

If she could scream,

It would be so much better.

shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2009-08-07 09:23 pm
Entry tags:

Shades of Black

There's a toy, games and comics convention from the 14th to 16th this month...
I feel like going, cos there's no admission fee... Which is quite a rarity.
Don't think this one will have cosplayers, though. They usually go for anime conventions. I still wanna gooo~ But school... sian. Why couldn't it have been today?? D:
lol. Yes I'm setting a bad example. Please don't become a ponner like me. Even if the activity was pretty useless.
 



Dark ink spreads, creeping across the paper.
Seeping deep into the very core
Turning it into shades of vesper.
Written words disappearing into the darkness,
Following the sounds of the piped piper,
Their consciousness obscured.

A murder of crows take flight.
Fuelling a furious storm of agitated air currents,
Oh how I covered my ears against the thunder of their flight.
Feeling the shadows falling upon my countenance, I knew without looking,
That their forms would devour the sky, dying it in the black of blight

Everything starts to fade;
The expressions, the faces,
The noise around me frayed,
Reduced to feckless blabber.
Losing colour, it fades.

Almost instinctively, my eyes close.
My world turns into one of limitless murk.
Breathing breaths shallow,
I admire the black that surrounds me.

Such beautiful shades of obsidian.



(PS. Shall do a post on how useless GP lessons can be next time i think; Absurdism post needs more time and thinking X.x)

shadesofobsidian: (Default)
2009-07-21 06:15 pm
Entry tags:

omg. So emo. ahahaha.

Ahahaa~ It's been so long since I last posted something remotely poetic.
So here's one.
I quite like MH. She's one of my favourite fictional people.
The most fave one that I never got to use in any RP.I think Imma let it remain that way ^^
And here's something that I think MH would look like. Very red, she is.
But with more black. I've drawn her before, but she's not a charrie who looks nice without inking. >_<


Oh, those tiles,
Dark lines of dirt ingrained between,
Making the white even more blindingly so.
It hurts her eyes,
Even more than the image in the mirror.
Looking back at her with this expression,
That she can't make it out.

She covers the image with darkness,
Immersing herself  in her semi-static surroundings instead.
The sound of running water, flowing without cease.
Pooling around her hand, disappearing into more darkness.

Darkness.
She's surrounded in it,
Pouring out of her lungs, seeping from her skin.
The slime suffocates her, 
Choking her breaths,
Making her heady with an unacknowledged emotion.

Her thoughts aren't quite getting through the haze of emotions.
Falling, spiraling.
Slipping away into the darkness.
Losing her identity...Who am I?

—She resurfaces.
Eyes scalded once more by her reflection in the water.
All at once, the image brings it all back.
The return to reality.

This feeling of lightness disappears;
She wishes it would stay instead.
The weight of life is so heavy.
It's as if her body's being crushed.
Outside forces pushing ever harder on an already-empty husk.

She doesn't fall to pieces, however. Instead, she chooses to smile. Crying and wailing won't do anything but win her some pity. She doesn't want pity. The Mad Hatter isn't something to be pitied. So she laughs. Full of glee and joy and ecstasy are those noises coming from her mouth. The Mad Hatter doesn't know any other emotion than joy. And what a cold joy it can be sometimes; sharpening her laugh, widening her smile, devouring her soul.

"Ahahahaa~ Fools, all!"
shadesofobsidian: (Thoughts)
2009-05-16 12:54 pm
Entry tags:

The Clock :: 时光倒流



The Clock :: 时光倒流

 

Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Do you hear it?
It's the sound of the clock,
Counting down the seconds to the end.
Why do you look so sad?
Life's just one big party.
And all parties must come to an end.

But nevermind, let's enjoy ourselves while it lasts, no?

 

太迟了,太迟了。。。
如果,时光真的可以倒流,我们大概也不会懂得珍惜 "现在"
无法改变的这些,真的很珍贵。
因为,那已经是个过去式了。

无法回去,也代表着,不会被破坏。
永远,永远不会改变。

没有人能把过去抢走;
只要我们还记得那些天真的承诺,
就代表,可以继续希望,
继续等待。

等待着有一天能再次感受到宛如那时的感动。
等待着更多的等待。



[ramble]Meh. Two very different moods on the two topics under the guise of one. Two very different languages, used by the same person.
I like this type of posts, but pity, I rarely have the mood to conjure up two-in-one posts. I'm actually talking about something and something else, but they don't feature very greatly. I wonder if anyone really gets what I'm talking about. It's near impossible, of course, but meh, I can always wonder, can't I? I wonder too much, I think. It might very well be the death of me one day, ne?[/ramble]

shadesofobsidian: (Thoughts)
2009-05-08 08:46 pm
Entry tags:

Eicastic.

A little thing I typed up.
Interpret it as you wish.
Yes, I'm not a very happy person most of the time.
I don't know whether to hope that I'm not alone in this,
but meh, you can have your happiness; why would I begrudge you of it?
I wish to remark on my thoughts; I wish to remind the world that it is not perfect.



Such monkeys we are.
Parroting away mindlessly,
As if we haven’t already demonstrated our well-developed eicastic abilities before.

“Yeah, I think so too”
“Yep, yep”

“I agree~ It’s so true~”

Like an audio system with its sensitivity turned up too high.
Signals travelling in an unbroken cycle, amplifying the same thoughts.

Back and forth, again and again.

Words into meaningless sound; sound distorted into noise,

The feedback rings in my ears.

No, we aren’t monkeys…

Mimicry, for the sake of not being singled out.

Staying safe, with the herds we form.

—No, we aren't monkeys...

... ... ... ...

Ah, I see.
We aren't monkeys at all...

Sheep— Oh, such sheep we are.
Mindlessly following whoever walks in front of us.

Have we no individuality any more?
The wolf who wears the clothes of wool is fast finding it impossible not to disrobe.
Destruction for the sake of anarchy.
The bonds that bind are so suffocating.

I wish to break free of this pack.
Do I wish to be different, special?
No—I want to be an individual.
Myself; not an extension of a group.

I am me.
My life, because I, and not anyone else, has lived it.

shadesofobsidian: (Thoughts)
2009-04-30 09:54 pm
Entry tags:

Cognitive Dissonance.

First time trying to express myself (my thoughts/feelings on the things that have transpired) in an extremely ambiguous way. lol
In case some of you haven't realised, I'm an extremely angst-filled teenager.
Must remind myself to be happy.
Well, I found a working version of Togainu No Chi :D
Awesome for me ^^
[Start=Angst]



Flat, quiet, motionless.
As still as death.

 Tremors ripple just below the surface, a deep underwater current.
It doesn't show, the self-control assures that.
The surface remains calm.

 Behind a facade of stillness lies turmoil.
Agitation that refuses to die down.

Agito—to move.

Refusal to remain stationary,
but be in constant motion.
 Churning urges and impulses of unknown depth,
Hidden beneath the stillness.

A false front of apathy.
I don't really care.
Really.

 Crush the chains that tie down!

Break free of the spider's web!
Tear off the cloth that blinds the eye and stifles the mouth!

 Where are your fangs that rend?
Your claws that rive?

 Have they grown dull from disuse?
Have they fractured?

FIND THEM

 Dichotomy.

The face is still.
Such cold eyes that looked back.
Hiding a blazing inferno within.

[/Angst]
shadesofobsidian: (Thoughts)
2009-03-16 05:12 pm
Entry tags:

改变

真是的,一会儿不式着用中文写些东西,水准一下子就全没了。
X.x
没以前的流畅。。。
悲哀啊。。。B果然是个B。。。
以下是我的。。。一些想法。


(http://www.flickr.com/photos/chewie007/3356469180/)
感觉。。。自己变了很多。

是件好事吗?老实说,我其实不太晓
得。
以前一直认为,只要是选择改变,那始终一定是好的决定。
现在,我似乎意识到了,有时候人们是在不变中找到自己的息身之地。

开始抱怨自己不知道我到底要的是什么。
开始恐惧看不透的未来,
开始觉得自己越来越搞不懂身边的朋友,
开始怀疑自己的存在是否是个天大的错误。

我想,是因为自己长大了吧。
已经开始真正地去探索周围的事物。
想试着去了解原本不太想了解的人。


不太想长大。
因为我意识到了的一些东西。。。
让我的生活的步伐有了不少改变。
而这些改变,有好几个带给我烦恼。
害得我不知如何去应付,面对。

Tempora Mutantur
时代已变,而我们也随着改变。

但我。。。
真的不知道该改变成什么,
甚至不知道该怎么改变自己啊!

惨了,惨了。
就继续这样子飘着吧。
随着从四面八方吹过来的风儿走。
反正自己已经快没有自主了。。。

让我休息一下,真的只是一下下。
很快就会醒了。
现在,就让我慢慢地寻找那遗失的自我。
我正在改变中。


shadesofobsidian: (moonlighting)
2008-10-13 10:58 pm
Entry tags:

The Mad Hatter [my tian sorry for semi-spamming]

Slowly, surely, with familiar and practiced movements, her fingers roam her face once again. This time they push gently against the skin, prodding, nudging. Her face still remains. But she feels it; the tiny fractures that lie beneath the skin, the muscles, the bones. Her fingers continue to move, lazily distractedly at times, skittering across the surface at others.

Then just as abruptly as how the panic had spilled forth from her, her movements still. But only for a while, just to find her persona and slip it on. It is her, and at times, she is it. she is the Mad Hatter, the one who borders on insanity, and crosses it.

She is the Mad Hatter more than anything else. Her laughter echoes as her screams do. She cries not, but her cheeks always bear the marks of tears. She surrounds herself with a web of lies; she herself is a lie. But since each lie has a grain of truth, and since everyone believes the lie that is her, she is true.

She is the Mad March Hare; the Mad Hatter. Her laughter is empty, and so is she.
shadesofobsidian: (moonlighting)
2008-10-13 10:28 pm
Entry tags:

More emo stuff. D: D: D: [no, it ain't a fic]

The burden shall always be carried by those left behind. Always.

To be left behind...

I do not want to be the last. I do not want to become the end. There is no more going forward. I shall forever be held in stasis; stagnating, remaining in my land of memories.

Unchanging, unmoving. Lifeless to the outside world.

Lying to myself; shielding my eyes, covering my ears. Forever shall I shut myself away from the world.

Begone, I say to reality, for harsh is your touch, and cold is your gaze. Do not come near me, for I have no love for you. I would rather dwell in my dreams, false they may be.

Every lie has a grain of truth. My castle of air is built upon a whisper of the past, a draft from my memories.

The burdened shall always be those who have been left behind.